If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
third nipple confirmed
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
