I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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