Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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