You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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