so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
