Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
