I just found a bag of teeth...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
