i need an iv and a liver transplant
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
