I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
