I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
