I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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