I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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