I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
