so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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