Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
