Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize