i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
