What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
