But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
