Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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