woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I fill condoms, not promises.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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