I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
