I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
