I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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