I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
