Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
