if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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