You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
