He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
