she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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