my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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