i was born a porn star she said
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
