so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize