Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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