What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
