some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
