i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
