my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
