Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
