Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i will never coherently bang her
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
