you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
