I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
