Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize