Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
