The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize