If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
