I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
