Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
