I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
try to milk me bitch
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