How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
