So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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