we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
