I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You may now shotgun with the bride
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
