I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
