doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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