Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize