I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Randomize
