I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
