i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize