Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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