my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
