bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
