i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
