You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize