and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
