So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
