two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
