Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
