Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My ass is underappreciated
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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