Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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