Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
