Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
