You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
