Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
