She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
