Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
