She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
