I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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