Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
