Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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