Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
