He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
