I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
40s are totally the cure
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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