wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
This toilet bowl is my home.
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