I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
