dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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