I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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