i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
