This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
