you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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