took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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