his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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