Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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