So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
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The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
