You're so nebulous sometimes
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
