Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize