Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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