ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
