Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
