Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
