Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
