I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Define "chronic" masturbator.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
