And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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