Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
